Thursday 14 August 2008

How I Did Meet my Guardian Soulmate or How to Be as Educated as Einstein or 101 Classic Books

This may be the most ridiculous and desperate thing I’ve been asked to do. Matt, in his wisdom, has sent me this task:

Equipped with only a very very long list of ‘classic’ books I’m supposed to
Look at the list and:
1) Bold those I've read.
2) Italicise those I intend to read.
3) [Bracket] the books I love.
4) Pass it on to a few others so's they can inevitably defeat me.

Why? I ask myself. And shouldn’t he have also sent tea, cake, a bivouac and one of those shiny silver blankets to see me through this?

They say that education is not about knowledge or information. Like sex, and all good things in life, it is about technique. Einstien, when asked what the speed of sound was, said that he didn’t know, he didn’t need to know, because he knew how to find out. There are some simple methods of finding out:
Ask someone who knows
Read a book
Look on the internet
Experiment.

The infamous questions that are commonly asked of my blog are:
How to tell if a man fancies me
How to find a g-spot
And
Guardian Soulmates (although technically that’s not a question we know what they mean).

I still don’t have any knowledge of or information about:
How to tell if a man fancies me
How to find a g-spot
And
Guardian Soulmates

But I know a man who does. A man slept with me. I am therefore highly educated. I can now ask this man who knows
How to tell if a man fancies me
How to find a g-spot (and many other places worth visiting)
And
Guardian Soulmates
and has probably read all these books and many trillions more, looked on the internet, found me on Guardian Soulmates and if I am as lucky as I’d like to be will proceed with further experimentation.

And re the ridiculous task - Matt did this because Gary asked him and Gary’s a dreamboat. I don’t know Gary. But since Matt is also a dreamboat I guess that (by inductive logic) is why I should do it:

1 [Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen]
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien – erg
3 [Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte]
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling or some of them
5 [To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee]
6 The Bible or more than I’d have liked to
7 [Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte]
8 [Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell]

9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch-22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare or some of it
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien – also erg

17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks - although it's in the pile
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 [[[The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger]]]
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy or some of it
25 [[[The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams]]]
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh

27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky – but the Man has read it 1000 times
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 [Emma - Jane Austen]
35 [Persuasion - Jane Austen]
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis

37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 [[Winnie-the-Pooh - AA Milne]]
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 The Magus - John Fowles
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 [Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen]

55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon

60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy

68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding !! I haven’t read that!!
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby-Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath – oh dear
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome

78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - A. S. Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell (but the Lawyer said it was rubbish)
83 [The Color Purple - Alice Walker]
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 [Charlotte’s Web - EB White]
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom otherwise
know as ‘I hope books in heaven are a shit-load better than this
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton

91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 [[[The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery]]]
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl

100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

I really need to add
101 [[[[Mostly everything by P.G. Wodehouse]]]
and all this generally goes to prove that I’m a girl and was once a child. I don’t know who to pass this on to so if any of you would care to play this rather insipid game feel free. Or spend your time reading a good book. Or on the internet finding knowledgeable people.

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