How Not To Do Your Self Assessment

As January once more swings its merry way into our lives we discover it’s time for Self Assessment.

Many scrungled up pieces of paper must be retrieved from pockets, car doors, wallets and cats’ beds. All year we wonder where all the money went and now we’re about to find out. Maybe. Equipped only with an iron, a magnifying glass and many totally valid distractions we set to. Or find yet another legitimate distraction like those spider webs on the ceiling, that amazing pattern the raindrops make on the window, or spring cleaning the entire house, garden, shed and car.

Despite the futility of spending many many hours ironing receipts, getting intimate with bank statements and deciphering government dialect we know it is all worth while. Yes, we then get to give the powers that be lots of money to squander on sparkly weapons, essential expensive lunches, and trendy palaces. Yes, we hope against hope that some of the hard earned cash we give them will be spent on Grandma’s knee, upgrading Granddad’s corridor hospital room or even fixing the pothole that killed cousin Ray. But look! Lo! Behold! The house is clean, the shed tidy, the silver polished, the unknown grungy thing is removed from the oven, the cats are groomed and well patted and the iron has had its annual outing and really enjoyed itself.

And now that Self Assessment is achieved the real Self Assessment can begin – Why am I here? What’s it all for? How did I spend so much money on cleaning materials?