My computer is on a go-slow and my phone is on a no-go. So
forgive the sluggishness of this post because… this … is … as …fast … as the
words are appearing on the screen.
Slowness is not an unusual state for an elderly computer
operated by the hormonally challenged. Either I’ve forgotten what I was about
to say, or Computer (whose name has slipped my mind) has a hiatus of
recollection betwixt keyboard and screen. We work together in a harmony of
pauses.
Phone (whose name is Xiomina) is in a curious state of decay.
Every time I ask it something, like ‘What’s the weather?’ or ‘Is it bedtime
yet?’ it turns itself off. Xio, however, struggles on and reboots. Until the
next tricky conundrum. If I ask her to do something really complicated, like
call the chemist, she comes over all hot and cuts me off mid sentence –
‘Newport Pharmacy, Betsi speaking’ (Betsi is a Welsh name)
‘Hi, I’m calling to…’ Xio cuts us off.
Betsi is an elderly woman of possibly delicate construction.
I’m concerned she may misinterpret this rather abrupt banter, think there is
some sort of pharmaceutical emergency. Only twenty minutes later I arrive,
breathless and flushed.
‘Betsi, I called earlier but my phone cut out.’ I panted. ‘I
think Xio is having panic attacks’
Betsi, unfazed, hands me my HRT prescription and offers some
Rescue Remedy for my friend.
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