How Not to Go Camping on the Gower

It’s raining. It’s half-term. Some people decided to go camping. This is what happened:

My sister (from here on to be referred to as The Artist) her partner (from here on to be referred to as The Artist) and my nephew (from here on to be referred to as The Train and Transport Expert) decided to go camping.

They didn’t have a tent. So bought one on a well known auction site (from here on to be referred to as e-bay). They live in London. The tent was in Port Talbot. The Artist, the Artist and the Train and Transport Expert had never met the tent before. Nor had the tent met them. They decided to meet, greet, and erect the tent in my garden. Just to make sure it was a tent. And not an elephant, hamster or tower block.

We may, at this point, ask ourselves – How many Artists and Train and Transport Experts and Writers (that’s me although many other proper and improper nouns are applicable) does it take to erect a tent bought on a well known auction site?

Essentially an infinite number. So we had to draft in the Lawyer too (dragged from her post-exam bed in a state of advanced post-exam stupor). She had done such things before. I had done such things before, but the before that I had done them in was in the days that tents had triangular elevations and rectangular aspects. These days it’s all curves and contours. Like my body except harder to comprehend.

Now understand that this tent is large. Not one of your one-Artist tents that has room for just the Artist, a nibbled pen and a small sketch-pad. No, this tent is designed to house (or tent) an army of jobbing Painters, Sculptors, Potters and Cameo Cut-Out-Profile-Scissor-Wielders. And a Train and Transport Expert.

We began in the early afternoon in my garden. We finished in the late evening in my neighbour’s garden. The initial destination of the half-term camping expedition was the Gower. The tent, although of generous proportion, didn’t quite reach the Gower. So the cunning plan was to de-erect the tent and move it and its army of Artists and Train and Transport Experts to the Gower on Friday.

Then it began to rain and generally wind. Thus making it impossible to de-erect the tent without transporting a soggy tent or not transport a soggy tent because it had blown away in the direction of central Cardiff.

It’s still there. The Artists and the Train and Transport Expert are still here. This is Wales. It may never stop raining. They may never return to their delightful council flat in North London that is about half the size of their tent.

I have made enquiries at the local school to see if any further training for the Train and Transport Expert is available. If anyone can employ a couple of Artists please let me know.