How to Tell if a Person Fancies You Using the Laws of Chemistry

They say it’s all about chemistry. Or at least it’s a ‘valued quality’ for an ideal match on Soulmates. They don’t have physics. Which leaves me wondering if there’s really a place in the world for Relationship Physicists. I think I may have to convert to being the Relationships Chemist.

So – How to tell if a man fancies you using the laws of chemistry:

First let us examine the science of Chemical Kinetics. This seems relevant as movement and collision are involved.

Rate of reaction –
Factors that affect the rate of reaction:

Physical state:
If your target person is in a poor physical state (wobbly, purple, limbs arranged in a Picasso-esque manner or a bit Dali around the edges) this will have a detrimental effect on his/her ability to react. Reaction times will be slowed. Therefore they may fancy you but you will have to wait a year or so to find out.

Concentration:
‘Concentration plays an important role in reactions’ (this is a direct quote) (that’s why I’ve used the quotation marks) (not just for effect). From this we infer that if your target soul is not concentrating he/she may simply forget to fancy you and fancy something else that passes by their field of vision, like a chair, a pint or a small woodlouse. This may make you feel like a small woodlouse. Or a chair. Or liquid.

Temperature:
Folk of a higher temperature have more thermal energy. More thermal energy may lead them to remove some outer layers. Or some inner layers. Do not confuse this with attraction. It’s them that’s hot. Not you.

Catalysts:
Whilst the catalyst remains unchanged during the reaction the elements involved undergo a transformation of some sort or another. Catalysts can range from ‘beer goggles’ to ‘wine piz-nez’ to ‘cocaine blindfolds’ to ‘crowd spectacles’ (this time I used the quotation marks for erroneous effect). I heartily recommend them all. It may be your only hope.

Equilibrium:
Doesn’t come into it.

Interestingly Beer’s Law may give some clue as to how to actually get a person to fancy you. It states that there is a dependency between the transmission of light through a substance (this obviously includes attire) and the coefficient of intensity. I’ve always liked Beer.