How To Tell if a Man Fancies You Using Philosophy

The Unknowable Man’s spare career (we should all have one) (mine is as a cat walker) is as a Consultant Freelance Philosopher. The public need for such a person is fairly self-evident. Oft have I wished to consult a Consultant Philosopher on the finer points of philosophy for those every-day questions such as:
Why did I walk into this room?
Where have I come from to arrive here?
Does this interesting pile of junk on the kitchen table actually exist?
If I have free will then why is the solicitor charging me?
Why are Fallacies so often pathetic?
And
If this is reality then why does it seem so dusty?


Philosophers tend to ask the really BIG questions, such as
WHY?
HOW?
WHAT?
And
PARDON? (those are the politer philosophers)

An interesting thing about the big questions, I’ve noticed, is that they tend to be very small.

Whereas Relationship Physicists (my other spare career) tend to ask very slightly longer ones:
‘How do you tell if a man fancies you?’ tends very much to be the favourite.

So, in a spirit of trying to find something in common with the man I’m sleeping with I will now attempt to discover:
How to tell if a man fancies you using philosophy-

Step 1: ask the BIG questions

why do I want to know if he fancies me?
how will I know if he fancies me?
what does ‘fancies’ actually mean?
pardon me for asking.

Step 2: answer the BIG questions
This can obviously only be done in a personal context but if you’re stuck then some examination of the types of knowledge such as a priori and a posteriori (most relevant here) will probably be as useless as anything else.

Step 3: come to a philosophical conclusions. Popular ones include:
‘Something so paradoxical that no one will believe it.’
‘An infinite capacity for taking things for granted.’
‘Some touch of madness.’
And
‘Fuck knows.’

All in all I’m beginning to suspect that philosophy may not be the way forward for the Big Question. As a famous philosopher said:

‘Science is what you know. Philosophy is what you don't know.’

And as a famous scientist said:

‘Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results.’

Perhaps it’s time to stop asking The Question. Surely we all really know the answer. 42.