How to Prepare for Uni

Sorry to all my loyal readers for my absence. I was away. You noticed that. And also I was here working. You may not have noticed that.

So what’s been occurring? The Physicist is preparing to be on her way out. Snotty cat is on his way out. The Beloved is out. The Lawyer has a new blue coat. The aforementioned have been awarded capital letters for their titles.

Re the Physicist, she is off to Uni, to continue her life as a physicist, mostly to do physics. Of all forms I imagine. However, it transpires that even scientists need to eat when they have arrived at their chosen venue of study.

‘Can we go buy stuff I need for Uni?’ came the cry from the kitchen.
‘And a coat?’ came the cry from the sitting room.
Now, having already taken out a second mortgage to pay for the Amazon bill I wondered just what it was that was needed for uni. Surely textbooks the size of small hadron colliders and a new pen was sufficient? It transpires not. So we went shopping. This is what happened:

We went to Tesco Extra Large and Very Difficult to Park. I grabbed a basket. I was informed that a basket was too small. I grabbed a trolley and trollied off after the physicist who was heading in a determined and scientific way into the deepest bowels of Tesco Extra Large and Very Difficult to Park. The Lawyer was hot in pursuit.

It started easily enough-
a hole punch, yes students need those;
a diary, again I could see the reasoning;
some glue, ok yes, even physicists may need to stick things with powers other than gravitational pull or electromagnetic force.

But then things started to get out of control, before I knew it our trolley, now steered by the lawyer (as I was busy holding my hands up in a gesture of incredulity) contained:
A toaster
A kettle
Duvet covers
Pillows
Sharp knives
Mugs
Bowls
Cork screws
And entire canteen of cutlery
Champagne flutes
A fridge
A bicycle (ok, she’s going to Oxford so that’s fair enough)
12 crates of champagne (to fill the flutes I guess)
A tin of baked beans (this I understood).

As we reached the checkout I asked
‘So, can you afford all this on your student loan?’
‘No,’ she said, looking at me as if I were from another planet ‘my loan is for stuff I need for uni’.
‘Ah,’ I said, extracting my credit card from my purse.
‘And don’t forget my coat,’ the lawyer added.
I’m glad that, compared to physics, the law is such a cheap thing to pursue.