What I Probably Shouldn’t Have Done

A letter came today. You may never see me or hear from me again. I thought I’d better warn you.

Other consequences may include:
Obesity and/or starvation.
Out and out war between rival factions of Physicist, Lawyer and Writer.
Sore bottoms.
A greater knowledge of all things.
Not getting my critical study finished.
Learning how to cook but not actually doing it.
Not writing that novel.
A greater degree of culture (not in the yogurt sense).
Not ever finding Mr Right.
Never having sex again.
A beautiful hand-sewn quilt.
Complete and total social isolation.
And
Possibly
Death.

This is what the letter said:

Get three months Sky subscription free. That’s all the Sky channels. Which is about a zillion. Call this number.

I called. I have free Sky subscription. Now. Already.

It’s better than Mr Right, it’s better than sex (ok, not better than sex but no one sent me a letter saying ‘free sex for three months just call this number’).

It’s on until Sept 20th.

Help! Please bring food, drink, spare AA batteries, After Eights, Before Eights and a change of clothing (for me and children, I expect you to arrive in clean clothing as is appropriate for a guest who may end up staying until the autumn). No we can’t watch the sports channel. I cancelled that one.