How to Fight Chaos in a More Outdoors Sort of Way

I decided enough was enough. I had to sort the garden. When I say garden I really mean jungle. It had reached the point where I could no longer reach any points whatsoever. Not even the patio two feet outside the door. More importantly, the physicist needed to sunbathe. And there is no sun in a jungle. Or sufficient jungle floor on which to lay out a sun-lounger. This is a big problem with the jungle and probably a contributory factor in why so many of our rainforests have been de-rainforested. To make way for crops of sun-loungers.

This is what happened:

I put on a pair of stout walking boots to protect broken foot which is still a bit broken. I put on a stout pair of trousers to protect against brambles, nettles and unknown dangers lurking in the jungle (I suspected there could be snakes, moose and possibly yet-to-be-discovered species of yet-to-be-discovered species). I put on a stout expression and set off welding a stout machete, a stout pair of heavy-duty loppers, and a stout wish that I had a JCB.

Five minutes later, having cleared the first few feet of foliage such that I could actually see a bit of sky I discovered that it was a nice day out. I exchanged the stout trousers for a small pair of pink shorts (the lawyer exclaimed ‘what are you wearing?’), the stout walking boots for a large bandage and some ancient sandals (the lawyer exclaimed ‘what are you wearing?’ again, just for emphasis I suspect), and the stout expression for some sunglasses and an MP3 player.

Thus I danced through the day, singing out of tune in a jolly manner, hacking, sawing, chopping and discovering things. These included:
A patio (I thought there used to be one)
A patio table sporting some rather stylishly mouldy coffee cups
A lot of weeds
A fallen tree
The cat
A pond (I’m not sure if we used to have that)
A number of the beloved’s discarded pieces of clothing (he knew they were somewhere)
The beloved’s glasses (he thought he used to have those)
Some slightly slug-eaten physics notes (she thought she used to have those)
The washing line sporting what used to be clean clothes that I had hung out before I broke my foot
The cat (again)
A lost and bewildered mountaineer (he stopped for a rest some eight weeks ago but couldn’t find his way out of the jungle)
A tiger (or that could have been the neighbour’s cat)
A large monkey (or that could have been the beloved)
A native (or that could have been the lawyer)
A native’s boyfriend
The cat (again)

Nine hours later I stood back to admire my work. What used to be a jungle was now a patio covered in:
A number of sun-loungers covered in:
A tiger (or that could have been the neighbour’s cat)
A large monkey (or that could have been the beloved)
A native (or that could have been the lawyer)
A native’s boyfriend
A lost and bewildered mountaineer (now enjoying a cup of tea)
A paddling pool containing the physicist (investigating classic Archimedean displacement)
A patio table sporting some rather stylish soon-to-be mouldy coffee cups
A number of the beloved’s discarded pieces of clothing
A number of the lawyer’s discarded pieces of clothing
A number of the lawyer’s boyfriends discarded pieces of clothing
A number of the physicist’s discarded pieces of clothing
A number of discarded pieces of clothing that were hard to attribute an owner to
The beloved’s glasses
The cat

A day well spent creating order from chaos I think.