A Spectacle in Spectacles

I have new glasses. Well, not new, but I’m pretending. In fact they are re-found. I now look totally different. I look like someone from a Specsavers advert.

The outstanding feature of people on the Specsavers advert is that they would never ever be seen wearing glasses in normal life.

The moment the advert comes on one cannot help but think ‘look, they are wearing glasses. Gorgeous sexy people are pretending to be like normal people. Something strange is going on. The world has become myopic.’ When I say ‘look,’ obviously first you must put your glasses on.

So, that’s how I now look. Gorgeous, sexy and wearing glasses. Not just normal glasses but obvious glasses. Glasses with black rims.

So that’s how I now look. Gorgeous, sexy, wearing glasses and intellectual. The black rims are not just black but they go all the way around, and up the sides and join my ears to my face in a black-lined kind of way. Like a fifteen-year-old in the 1950s - a previous era before I was born

So that’s how I now look. Gorgeous, sexy, wearing glasses, intellectual, fifteen and dated. This is all very disturbing.

The great thing about wearing glasses, whether they are a throwback to the fifties or hugely trendy ones from Specsavers, is that one can take them off.

So that’s how I now look. Like a blurry blobby pinkish thing with a brownish topping.