How Not to Flush

I’ve fitted a Delchem Flapper Flush Valve. Life is full of new experiences.

This is what happened:

It was Saturday. Generally a day of rejoicing jollity and joy for I had retrieved the Physicist and all her worldly goods from the clutches of academia to be once more clutched to the bosom of her loving parent.

(a word of advice to loving parents – don’t clutch your Physicists to your bosom in front of the assembled Oxford masses – it embarrasses them and has a dishevelling effect on both your outfits)

However, whilst I was enjoying the joys of the M4 and the mass movement of the undergraduate masses an evil force was at work in my house. That very evening things began to take on a life of their own. Or rather give up a life of their own.
The remote control had lost control.
The lights in the sitting room no longer lit.
The DVD player refused to play.
The TV screen took on a suspicious shade of green.
And, worse, the toilet refused to flush.

Now, being a woman of resourceful resource I can cope without TV, DVD and anything that involves a capital V (including HMV, Henry V and VD) but, after a while, a non-flushing toilet becomes uncomfortable, smelly and Anthea wouldn’t approve.

Now, being a woman of resourceful resource I set about the thrilling task of mending the toilet. This is what happened:

To access the cistern I had to remove-
22 pieces of tongue and groove panelling
Attached by 66 screws.
2 lengths of skirting board
Attached by 14 nails.
The carpet
Attached by magic.
And
Most of the skin on my fingers.

This is what I discovered-
The flushing mechanism was broken.

Now, being a woman of resourceful resource I continued on my quest and removed –
6 litres of water
A ball cock (yes that was the highlight)
3 pipes
A flushing mechanism.

This is what I discovered-
The flushing mechanism was broken.

I showed the flushing mechanism that was broken to the physicist. She agreed. Broken. Those Oxbridge educations are certainly outstanding.

But never fear, all is almost well. We went to the shop and bought a wonderful new invention in toilet flushery – The Delchem Flapper Flush Valve.

With a name like that who could fail? Only ten hours later I flushed excitedly. I intend to contact Mr Delchem and propose as soon as I have reassembled the bathroom.