Tuesday, 8 April 2008

How to Tell if a Man Fancies You Using Superstition Alone

There are days on which science just doesn’t work. Those sort of days where cats fall upwards, quanta are visible to the naked eye, and naked men are invisible. Or possibly not there.

These are the sorts of times where one has to turn to superstition alone the answer the big questions in life, like 'Why am I here?' 'Why do I hear?' 'Can one hear y’s?' And, of course that old chestnut ‘How Can I Tell if a Man Fancies Me?’

Although, just so you don’t think that the above chestnut is the only form of nut people google to discover my blog, recent queries have included:

‘How to hoover woodlice.’ (I’ve referred that to Anthea)

‘Does everyone have a G-spot?’ No. And, as of the moment they turn the Large Hadron Collider on, no one will.

‘How do you to find a G-spot?’ OS maps are traditional, modern folk use Sat Nav, I advise thoroughly searching the entire body as it’s simply more entertaining that way. Whatever the method you use do it soon before they make the black hole. Not that black hole, include that one in your search.

‘What to do in the sauna?’ Not break your foot.

‘Morreau naked.’ If you really want to see me naked I’m on public view in the changing room of the gym most nights, on the book cover and if you require a private viewing please make an appointment. Reciprocosity expected/anticipated.

And, of course that old chestnut ‘How Can I Tell if a Man Fancies Me’.

The thing about superstition, as opposed to science, as a method of discovery is that it is a lot more straight forward.

Here are the top ten ways of discovering if a man fancies you using superstition alone:

1. If he crosses your path wearing black (especially black pyjamas, underwear, a black condom or a darkish colour negligee)
2. If he ties knots in his handkerchief, or his trousers look like they’ve got a large knotted handkerchief down them.
3. If he walks under a ladder carrying a penny that he’s just picked up (it also shows that he knows how to balance evil with good if that’s your sort of thing)
4. If he has a foot like a rabbit or a rabbit like a foot long.
5. If he is standing at the foot of a rainbow (a small warning here – leprechauns are infamously bad lovers)
6. If you see him shooting stars (again, a warning, if he is shooting very famous stars in a public place it really doesn’t bode well for a long-lasting relationship)
7. If he is 13
8. If he gets into the wrong, or even the right, side of your bed
9. If he itches your palm (or possible anywhere else)
10. If he breaks mirrors (of course you might not fancy him then)
11. If he knocks on wood (ok, wood fetishists may not be your cup of tea but at least he fancies something)
12. (my personal favourite) If he’s a chimney sweep and says ‘cor lurve, I really fancy you’ in a fake cockney accent.

3 comments:

Bryan said...

I actually first found this blog while searching for Antarctica-related web content. This wasn't exactly what I had in mind when I typed in my search query, but I'm glad I ended up here nonetheless.

I actually think there may be some merit in basing your behavior on reversed superstitions. For instance, my luck has improved immeasurably since a black cat entered my life. I wonder, though, if perhaps good luck isn't why the witches started keeping black cats to begin with. My run of success certainly doesn't mean that everyone else whose path my cat is crossing isn't getting bad luck, but I can live with that.

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