Friday 11 May 2007

How the Earth was Invented

There are many and various theories as to how the earth was invented. The most popular of which is that it evolved. This is Darwinism. Darwin was a guy with quite an interesting beard who thought a lot about stuff. He would start with quite a small thought and it would grow and change and mutate and grow and change until it was a very big thought quite unlike the first thought. Yet somehow connected.

So this is how the earth evolved according to Darwin:

It started with something very small. Possibly a bit of fluff. Possibly from a tumble dryer. Then it grew and changed over a long period of time. A very long period of time. Longer than that sort of time it takes for a number 34 bus to turn up. Longer than the sort of time it takes for innocent two-left-footed people to learn to tango. And even longer than the sort of time it takes to write a novel that encompasses all of human life and has a lot of sex in it (hard to believe I know, but that’s science for you).

The earth grew and changed into a large rock with lots of exciting features like water, land, sky, gadgets to open difficultly packaged gadgets, small beings growing and changing into large beings, unlikely poetry and fluff from tumble dryers.

In turn the fluff evolved into intelligent fluff that began to question the very nature of life itself. This is how the fluff did it:

Two bits of Fluff Looking at What May or May Not Be a Banana
(Borrowed extensively and totally from http://turboart.blogspot.com/)





The highly evolved fluff then went on to conquer the world:
Two Bits of Fluff Having Eaten What May or May Not Be a Banana
(again borrowed extensively and totally from http://turboart.blogspot.com/)




I think this is something that not even Darwin anticipated.

Don’t imagine that this is the only theory of how the world was invented. There is another fairly popular one. Creationism. That means that someone, and it is always a celebrity, actually put pen to paper, or clay to chopping board, or glue to fluff, and with their own two hands (given that they had two hands and that isn’t necessarily the case) made the world. God is a popular celeb often attributed with this feat. Some people think that it was Donny Osmond (mostly women of a certain age, my age). Others have proof that it was Dolly Parton. This is the proof (an actual picture of her doing it):
(once more borrowed extensively and totally from http://turboart.blogspot.com/)

We in the school of Aardvarkism believe it to be (obviously) an Aardvark:

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