How to Tell if a Man fancies You Using Scientific Thought Experiments

I have a thingy. You know, one of those things that tell me how people find my blog. Mostly they find it by a miracle. It just drops onto their screens from the heavens. I bit like bird shit but less corrosive. But sometimes people google a question and it leads them here to this well know font of erroneous knowledge.

I have to mention, because it seemed impossible when I found out, that some poor demented soul googled ‘Crunchy Nut Cornflakes and yellow poo’ and were lead to this blog. I deny all knowledge of having written on such a subject.

The most searched for term that drops unknowing and unknowledgeable folk onto these pages is ‘How can I tell if a man fancies me?’ This, I consider a very important topic. One of life’s great questions like ‘Why are we here?’ ‘What is the meaning of life?’ and ‘Do Crunchy Nut Cornflakes make your poo go yellow?’ I will therefore attempt to elucidate further on the topic.

Previously I wrote about how to use philosophical reasoning - http://ceciliamorreau.blogspot.com/2007/04/classical-proofs-or-how-to-tell-if-man.html . And don’t doubt that that method still holds true. However I have discovered a new way of finding out the answer to this question using a scientific method much favoured by famous scientists: the thought experiment.

The beauty of the thought experiment is that it needs no equipment aside from a brain. There are no messy test tubes, custard or costly particle accelerators. And you don’t even have to remove your brain and dissect it. You can use it in situ. Without harming it. Or not very much anyway.

Galileo used this the thought experiment to discover what happened when his balls dropped. Schrödinger used it to prevent his cat from shitting on the carpets. Einstein used it to discover special relativity. And that’s exactly my point. Everyone can use it to discover special relativity. Or, in other words, whether a man fancies you.

Note: there is of course also just plain everyday ordinary relativity, which is whether you fancy a man. But of course you already know that.

So, how does it work? Well, according to Wikipedia –

1. assume to be true what you think is false,

2. find a contradiction,

3. logically deduce that it is therefore in fact false.

Don’t Panic. All will become clear. We will now apply this to the real life situation:

1. assume to be true what you think is false: he fancies me.

2. find a contradiction: he never calls/emails/texts/writes/speaks/shags me.

3. logically deduce that it is therefore in fact false: what? Sorry? You think I’m Einstein or something?

Sorry try that last bit again –
3. logically deduce that it is therefore in fact false: he fancies me.

Ta da. Scientific proof. He does fancy you. Yay. Or perhaps not. If you don’t fancy him. Or he’s some sort of wierdo. Or stalker. Or scientist who uses thought experiments to find out stuff about real life.

NB for the sake of political correctness I would like to add that if you yourself are a man and hetrosexual none of the above holds true at all. Just fucking ask her.