My Birthday Night Out

It was my birthday. It happens to me. Every year. Without fail. Come rain or shine. And it’s usually rain.

It can be a bit depressing, getting older. But I was saved from feeling old by spending the evening with people a lot older than me. This is what happened:

I was going to have a party. But then didn’t invite anyone. So that didn’t work. At all.

The physicist came to my rescue.

‘There’s a Beach Boys tribute band on in the golf club.’ She works as a waitress at the aforementioned establishment. Physicists have to get their money from somewhere as experiments with custard don’t pay as well as they used to.

‘I’ll smuggle you in. You can dance.’

‘Hoooray!’ (that was me that said that)

The beloved and I arrive at the back door covered in an invisibility cloak borrowed from the local Potter fan club. We are duly smuggled in. The entire audience was made up of people over the age that I have now reached.

‘Hoooray!’ (that was me again)

The band is APPAULING. Hilariously so. I dance and try not to laugh at the terrible singing and the attempts at harmony. I find myself grinning inanely at the lead singer. Or should I say the person fronting the band who is making some noises into the microphone.

He grins back.

I grin back.

He thinks I fancy him.

I don’t. I’m still trying not to laugh.

He fancies me because I’m dancing Reggaeton to old Beach Boy songs. It is very sexy.

We both thoroughly enjoy ourselves.

All the other people are dancing proper old-fashioned dancing.

The band, although supposed to be a Beach Boys tribute band, have run out of Beach Boys songs to play and revert to the Bay City Rollers. Or perhaps they have come to the realisation that they are incapable of Beach Boys harmonies and have sunk to the lowest common denominator of the pop world. They are still APPAULING.

I’m still grinning and dancing Reggaeton. It is very sexy.

The beloved has failed to notice how sexy I am.

The band finishes and, Cinderella-like, so as not to blow the physicists’ cover, we disappear into the night.

The lead singer is very sad and misses me and gives up being in the Beach Boys tribute band in favour of a job as a lighthouse keeper where no one can hear him sing.

I made up that last bit.