Toilets in Public Places – Some Myths Blown

Thank you Matt for you insight into how the male of the species might be mystified by the nature of girls’ toilets http://hedgedefender.blogspot.com/ . Yes, I can understand how things might look a tad confusing from the outsiders’ point of view. All that queuing, pair bonding, grooming, crying, snogging, inserting sharp implements into sanitary product dispensing machines in order to access the contents. All of human life is there. Well, half of human life is there.

Women, however, are seldom mystified by the goings on inside the men’s toilets. For a start the chaps seem to get in and out of there faster than a hamster on speed. So it can’t be very exciting. Ah, actually, now I think about it, maybe there actually is a hamster on speed dispensing extra speed in order to hurry the male participants through the joys of urinal and cubicle. They do go quick don’t they? Of all the chaps I have simultaneous toilet trips with I have only ever beaten one. You know who you are. Therefore, men have been forced to develop the nonchalant waiting for partner/daughter/auntie/hamster stance. This usually involves a wall, the middle distance, having one foot pressed against the aforementioned wall, and a gentle swaying movement. We may, on emerging from the loo, for a brief moment think that are finally contemplating going to tango. Untrue, the swaying proves to be that of controlled impatience which then turns to a burning desire not to buy anything in the little shop. It is not uncommon for these loitering men to be mistaken for terrorists, hauled away and arrested. Ladies – should you ever emerge from the toilets and discover your man not there; that is what has happened.

Aside from which most women have actually been inside a men’s toilets. When needs must… and there’s a queue… and especially when pregnant. In fact men’s toilets are doubtless full of desperate pregnant women seriously regretting what seemed at the time a sensible decision.

I got locked in a men’s toilet once. Not on purpose. There was no handle on the inside of the door. I merely waved a casual ‘hi’ to the puzzled biker who eventually granted me my freedom. I would like to say now ‘hi and thanks’ to that biker.